In an astonishing lack of self-awareness, a man most onlookers would have pegged for a serf the instant they laid eyes on his hunched demeanor and glassy, vacant eyes, claimed that he would have been a lord in the Middle Ages.
Jonathan Morrington, a 38-year-old field laborer and Renaissance Faire enthusiast, astounded most coworkers with his proclamation. “You mean to tell me that this man would have been a member of the ruling class, swearing fealty only to the king? He’s practically wearing a veil and wimple for God’s sake!” said an irate onlooker.
Listeners described the horror of how, at first, they believed Morrington’s announcement to be a bad joke (a testament to how he could not have made it as a court jester either), but when it became apparent that Morrington believed the controversial claim, they were shocked and confused. “I mean, this man is clearly illiterate, he’d obviously be more at home in a leper colony than a manor,” remarked another at the scene.
Sources believe that Morrington’s mind must have been muddled by his many Renaissance Faire trips, in which he dressed as a lord and attempted to impress the wenches with his sizable sword (an attendee has confirmed that this ploy was unsuccessful). In a stroke of good fortune for Morrington, however, most agree that he does resemble a lord in one way: a characteristic over-indulgence of mutton.