As the University prepares itself for the upcoming presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, an increased sense of excitement can be felt throughout campus. Less excited, however, is Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson, who failed to gain the 15% support in national polls needed to be invited to the debate. With…

Freshman Jeremy Morrison reported recently that he was feeling “very nervous,” but foolishly because he feared he “wouldn’t fit in at college,” and not because of the ancient and maleficent being Ieriub’hxal that has haunted him since a rather unfortunate visit to Madam Beelzebub’s Antique Shop and Hotdog Shack back in 2011. “I…

As the semester kicks into high gear for many Washington University students, freshman Samantha Kline has an exciting new job-- a fully tenured position as a professor of physics. Last Monday morning, while trying to withdraw from his introduction to Physics class, Kline pushed the wrong button and instead became a fully tenured…