334 Posts
03
Nov

Internet Usage on South 40 Breaks Record During Fall Break

In a surprising statement, the Washington University Director of Technology announced that Fall Break defied all typical trends with a massive spike in Internet usage. The statement theorized that since the four-day weekend allowed many students to leave St. Louis, many roommates were freed of the restrictions of a shared living environment. "Contrary…
Read More
Boy Scouts Expanding Into New, Weirdly Niche Groups
03
Nov

Boy Scouts Expanding Into New, Weirdly Niche Groups

The Boy Scouts of America recently announced their decision to accept girls, raising concerns over the future of partner organization Girl Scouts of America. "In response to changing definitions of gender identities, we think it would be best to focus on the interests of our creative, socially lethargic young scouts," announced President Scott…
Read More
White House Expels Steve Bannon by Chanting Name Three Times
20
Aug

White House Expels Steve Bannon by Chanting Name Three Times

According to sources, the spirit of chief strategist Steven Bannon was forcibly expelled from the White House on Friday after staffers recited an incantation purging the West Wing of Mr. Bannon’s ghost. “There was just this horrible screeching,” remarked one advisor witness to Mr. Bannon’s expulsion. Bannon, a seventh century netherdaemon who served…
Read More
Scaramucci Confident Wife is Actually Reince Preibus
29
Jul

Scaramucci Confident Wife is Actually Reince Preibus

Extended family members of Anthony Scaramucci cited a growing concern on Friday over the New York businessman's latest obsession: claiming that spouse, Deidre Scaramucci, is in fact his political rival Reince Preibus. "You would think he’d cut the bullshit after I got him canned but no! Now he's in my house!” Scaramucci shouted…
Read More