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February, 2024
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15 February
You Asked For Virginity: Here’s a Review of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
Every good abstinent boy knows his Zelda games. And in the case of 2023’s The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, it was a pleasure to make its acquaintance. The latest game in the long-running series serves primarily as a sequel to 2017’s smash hit The Legend of ...
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15 February
Sidechat to Pioneer Celibacy Awareness Club
Can you believe it’s only been a little over a year since YikYak I mean Gaggl I mean Sidechat took WashU by storm? For just over 3 grueling semesters, our esteemed scholar champions have been able to project their stream of consciousness both completely unprompted, and, better yet, completely anonymously ...
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15 February
Habif Denies People STI Testing: Too Many People Who Don’t Fuck Are Using the Tests
In a recent campaign to boost morale among Habif staff and save money in a healthcare system that has been immensely affected by inflation, Habif employees have created restrictions on who can take a test to check for sexually transmitted diseases. The parameters: “But do you think they actually fuck?” ...
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15 February
Dating Advice: Wisdom from the Toddlers at that Nursery School in the Village
Q: So I know this guy who’s afraid of sex. What can he do to not be afraid of it and can I tell him myself? A: Stay afraid. Sex is scary. Lots of liquids and noises. You know what they say, a life lived out of fear is ...