Noting a disturbing rise in the number of boo-boo diagnoses made by SHS this month, EST officials warned that the group may not have a large enough supply of kissies to treat the growing outbreak among students. While September is known as peak season for ouchies and oopsies as new freshmen adjust to their surroundings, this season’s boo-boo outbreak has surpassed all official projections.
“If we run out of kissies, who will make the boo-boos all better?” said EST medic Aaron Davis. “We have a backup supply of Scooby-Doo bandages, and we’re trained to administer lollypops in emergencies, but kissies are the only real way to take a real nasty boo-boo and make it all okey dokey.”
Freshmen and elderly grad students are at the highest risk for developing boo-boos, but all students should be on the lookout for scrapes and bumps that can develop into more serious kissie-resistant injuries. If left untreated, officials say these ouchies can make you feel really super duper icky and can only be treated drastic measures like forced early bedtime.
“Freshmen should take care to avoid high boo-boo risk activities like roughhousing in the common room or crossing the street without an adult,” said Davis. “And absolutely no riding the Circ without a helmet.”