Andrew Martin Surprisingly Jacked

The following op-ed was submitted by a guest writer who has chosen to remain anonymous. He has asked WUnderground staff to list him under the pen name “‘Mandrew Artin’, or some shit like that.”

Guys, you might not believe this, but Chancellor Andrew Martin? Surprisingly jacked. Yeah. I saw him at the gym the other day and he was benching like… fuck, 100? 100 pounds? Definitely more than what is conventionally the amount to lift, I’ll tell you that. His muscles were really really BIG! Like, darn. What a hunk. He’s got the brains and the brawns. Not only has his academic work been published in a variety of different outlets, including the American Political Science Review, American Journal of Political Science, Columbia Law Review, University of Pennsylvania Law Review and Northwestern University Law Review, but he’s very strong as well. 

What really popped out when I saw him were his, uh, arm muscles. Biceps, triceps, um…quadceps?? All of them were massive. He had those cool veins on his arms like one of those models, or Terry Crews or something.

Hard to believe, I know. You might think, gosh, he’s “wimpy” or “blindingly pasty” or “why are you lionizing and sexualizing our Chancellor”, but you’d be dead wrong. He’s strong…like a horse…no, like four horses. Four horses dragging a carriage made of Rock. Hard. Steel.

The kind of swole this guy is, you can tell he’s been fucking jacked his whole life. He came out of the womb as 5 pounds, 4 ounces of pure BEEF. No room for softness in this tightly bound frame. Chiseled! “No pain, no gain!”—that’s what he probably used to say during his heyday as a recipient of six grants from the National Science Foundation. 

In summation, Andrew Martin is a dreamy, chiseled cut of man-meat; anyone who disagrees knows nothing of the peak male form.