16
Dec
16
Dec
Finals Stress Mitigated by Impending North Korean Nuclear Threat
With finals around the corner, it’s natural for college students to feel a great deal of stress around this time of year. In light of recent news and the realization that finals will be meaningless due to imminent nuclear war, upcoming exams and papers haven’t managed to have the same effect on students.…
23
Nov
God Suspended Due to Hazing Incident
God has been temporarily suspended from the known universe after several reports of a violent hazing incident this past weekend. Under the euphemistic guise of a “faith-building exercise,” God is alleged to have commanded Abraham, a pledge, to climb a mountain and murder his son, Isaac. Rumors of God’s hazing activities have been…
23
Nov
Senior “Not Like Those Other Guys”
Sources close to the subject report that Wash U senior Jasper Simmons is nothing like all those other assholes. “Jasper doesn’t care about typical guy stuff like fantasy football and grilling things,” points out sophomore Lena Smith. “He would much rather teach you about Sufjan Stevens and the merits of local craft breweries…
23
Nov
One Year After the Election: Where Are They Now?
On November 8, 2016, Donald Trump won the presidency of the United States, bringing an end to a roller coaster of election drama that lasted over two years. One year later, WUnderground checked in with some of the 2016 race’s most important figures. Here’s where they are now. Hillary Rodham Clinton Everybody remembers…