From the makers of the original White Noise Machine designed to lull users into a gentle slumber, Skymall presents a new and revolutionary White Noise Machine for Realists. The product is set to hit stores this December, complete with several new pragmatic, true-to-life settings. For the environmentalists out there, the machine’s first new…

In a moment of deep and profound mercy, President Donald Trump decided to pardon the McChicken he had planned on eating in honor of the Thanksgiving Holiday. Citing his Christian faith and sudden hankering for a McFish, Trump announced that he would allow the McChicken sandwich, a processed and somewhat ambiguous amalgam of…

WashU has recently come under fire for gentrifying the “East End,” a culturally vibrant hole with a storied history of being big.  Many residents of the hole have been priced out of the neighborhood and forced to relocate. Critics are castigating WashU for displacing hundreds of dirt particles, part-time construction workers, and big…

ST. LOUIS, MO—Last month, the WashU community and surrounding area celebrated the long- anticipated opening of an Art Show at the Art Museum. The exhibition, which opened to the public on September 27th, features a variety of art including Big Art, Small Art, Art That is Also a Video, and also lots of…

ATLANTA, GA—Scientists at the Center for Disease Control have found startling research on the Fila Disruptors, the Thot Shoe that has seen increased popularity following Hot Girl Summer. Lead scientist Dr. Whet Faartz has discovered that wearing these specific Fila shoes leads to increased levels of aggression and violence. The shoe is known…