Duck, Duck, Canada Goose: How to Spot Which Students Will Overpay for Your Shitty Weed

Instagram – if they have any pictures from rooftop bars in Manhattan, they’re loaded and just smoking to look cool; slide in those DMs.

Management 101 – Keep an eye out for any Armani suits. Actually, you can just keep an ear out. They will bring it up.

Wallace Garage – This is one of the easiest ways to pick up customers: just slip your Telegram @ on the windshields of any Teslas, BMWs, or G-Wagons you see. Any teenager driving something that costs more than your tuition won’t miss that extra 40$/gram.

Greek Life – no worldly person with half a brain would want to claim affiliation with Greek Life at WashU, plus, you get to scam predators. This is a fantastic way to do your part to bring down the 1%.

Stanley’s – look out for which students pick up a Dragon roll every day. You know they’re on the platinum meal plan; they might as well feed you, too. And even though your shit sucks, it’ll still probably make that Midwest sushi taste better, so it’s a real win-win.

And remember, if some San Francisco snob tries to ask what strain you’re pedaling, just spit out some color + celestial object + food item. It’s blue jupiter mochi, now pay up and quit acting like you don’t vacation in the Swiss Alps every summer.