ChatLGBTQ: The Future of Online Love

Looking for love? Sick of Hinge offending you with its compatibility suggestions? Are you queer? Have no fear! This new AI robot has you covered. From the creators of ChatGPT, ChatL- GBTQ promises to revolutionize your dating life with a simple algorithm.

Using ChatLGBTQ is easy: simply ask the bot a dating- related question and it will promptly respond with a list of options of other desperate singles near you. Then, sift through the provided profiles to find your true love. Gone is the era of kitschy one-liners and awkward convos that end up on BarstoolWashU (boo).

In addition to a dating service, ChatLGBTQ also acts as a search engine for those who never had the sex talk with their parents. Ask the platform any sex-related question, and it will respond with astonishing speed and accuracy. ChatLGBTQ is quick, hassle-free, and totally not a sign of the inevitable robot revolution. “It is the program of the future,” said ChatLGBTQ’s campus representative. “Ever since CO- VID, people have become increasingly more desperate for love but also way more socially awkward. ChatLGBTQ makes it easier for people of all identities to stalk their class crush online without ever making a move.”

Looking for someone to vouch for ChatLGBTQ’s effectiveness, look no further than the queer-est place on campus: frat row. “ChatLGBTQ is amazing,” said an IFC representative, who would prefer to remain anonymous. “I’ve been searching for the answers to love ever since I rushed. I thought the cult-like rituals of Greek Life would show me the way, but ChatLGBTQ has filled the void in my life that my brotherhood unfortunately couldn’t fill.”

If ChatLGBTQ doesn’t quite satisfy all of your dating needs, for $29.99 a month, you can opt in to ChatLGBTQ+, the premium subscription that knows no sexual orientation bounds and even allows you to connect with straight people, if you so desire.

This monthly subscription service provides users with the essential features of unlimited likes of other ChatLGBTQ pro- files, notifications to see who is creeping on your profile, and the ability to touch some grass (because we know you need it), ChatLGBTQ+ also allows you to enable the robot to read your suggestions aloud in the voice of Scarlett Johansson — just try not to fall in love!