Issue 9.1

A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore ...

Faced by what he is calling “the most unfortunate display of options since the NBA Finals,” area bigot Jefferson Hezekiah admits that he is struggling to choose between presidential hopefuls Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. “The decision was so much easier during the last election,” Hezekiah explained. “Sure, it was ...

In response to a series of complaints from parents, college students, and reformed pedophiles, Facebook announced last Thursday that it would be rolling out a new “You’re Being Creepy as Fuck” notification system. The new feature will display a warning message to alert users when the photos they are stalking ...

10. Farting in the library 9. Being caught masturbating by your roommate 8. Asking how strong the punch is at a party 7. Believing the guy who tells you it isn’t that strong 6. Asking why the frat house soda is sticky 5. Taking ALL the free condoms from your hallway cause you’re “totally gunna ...