Volume 9

A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore ...

University Officials have sought to explain this morning‘s emergency alert, which declared that “a potential threat to safety exists on the Danforth Campus,” by reminding students that nobody is safe, anywhere. “Think about it,” said Safety and Security Committee member Steve Hoffner. “I can go buy a machine gun. That ...

10. Most people fall into a life of crime because they had a poor education. Ask suspicious persons what Atticus Finch represents about the American spirit. 9. Never leave your room. 8. Try to avoid displays of wealth, like wearing ashy jewelry and attend- ing a school that costs more ...