With students spending more time in their rooms than ever because of COVID restrictions, rumors of a possible new epidemic, one of bizarre behavior, have been raising alarm across campus. One sophomore living in Gregg House, known for its particularly offensive carpet pattern, relayed his observations of a case of the new and…

In a groundbreaking new experiment, WashU researchers have found a unique use for circumcised foreskin as skin grafts for burn victims. Lead researcher and BME postdoc Richard Johnson remembers: “A male student approached me in tears, because he didn’t know what had happened to his foreskin. Then I felt inspired. How could I…

This was the 24th consecutive night I have been jolted awake screaming, cowering in my bed, guarding my face expecting to see her bob-haircut and floral scarf blowing in the cold wind gusting through my window. In the moments before I awake, I am trembling. She clasps my shoulders with her old, COVID-susceptible…

Desperate times call for desperate measures. As full-time enrollment has dwindled this semester due to the rise of the COVID-19 virus, the University has encountered a large loss of revenue. In an attempt to combat this budget deficit, Chancellor Martin has turned to one of the internet's fastest growing self-employment opportunities: OnlyFans.  For…

“C’mon!” groans Earl Garthwell, a five foot six sophomore chemistry major at WashU. “What am I supposed to do?” he asks, slamming his phone on a DUC table, “take them all sitting down?!”  With its social distancing requirements, the coronavirus pandemic has derailed the sexual and romantic lives of WashU’s student body, forcing…