In a move that has already drawn criticism from the student body, SU has decided to cancel next fall’s Ursa’s Fireside Poker Night in due to conflicts with the upcoming presidential debate. The event, lauded as the highlight of approximately twelve freshmen’s semesters this year, is unfortunately at the mercy of increased allocation and attention to the debates.
“We try to allocate our budget in the fairest way possible,” said SU President Gordon Stinkelstein, “but we had to make some painful decisions. We know how vital Ursa’s Fireside Poker Night is to our fellow students, but its absence next fall will allow us to significantly improve the quality of the upcoming debates.”
SU is has not revealed how they plan to spend the additional $210 added to its budget from the event’s cancellation. Insiders speculate that they could use the funding to upgrade attendees’ water from canned to boxed, but cautioned that such a move could result in a decreased food budget for next fall’s Campus Crossfire event.
While Ursa’s Programming Board decried the move, executives said in a statement that they will now be able to put on an even bigger Fireside Poker Night in the Spring.
“This hurts, no doubt,” said Ursa’s Programming Board President, Jeremy “Snake Eyes” Hartley. “But it’s kind of a blessing in disguise. With the additional funding next year, we can have a higher-stakes game, additional tables, and scantily clad waitresses to personally craft and deliver us all Shirley Temples. We might even be able to spring for virgin mojitos.”