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ST LOUIS- Reports of strange activity linked to members of Beary Stiff, the campus taxidermy club, were met with further investigation after maintenance staff stumbled upon a preserved student corpse on Friday afternoon. Sources say that freshman student Josh Tambor was found mummified in a 2nd floor Olin study room, nursing a crusted Half and Half. Visitors also found an etched nameplate, stenciled “Josh From Koenig 4.” The student was first reported missing by his Launch father on Wednesday evening, who noticed his absence at a Kingsbury darty.
Members of the student organization have denied any affiliation with the discovery. “Have we always wanted a human exhibit? Yes. But did we do this? Who’s to say,” said club president Mike “Formaldehyde” McDonough. “This is just an attempt to discredit the silent minority!”
Student Union officers first raised suspicion when the group’s expense reports contained an inordinate amount of chemical preservatives and web research on “human-sized net” and “is human taxidermy legal in Missouri?” “All hearsay,” McDonough reiterated, deleting multiple tabs on his Chrome browser without breaking eye contact. As of press time, WUPD is investigating the disappearance of three students who were last spotted signing up for the Taxidermy Club email chain at the activities fair.
