Jason Smith '19 (center) having an uncomfortable discussion with his family.
Jason Smith '19 (center) having an uncomfortable discussion with his family.

Sophomore Unaware Thanksgiving to Double as Intervention

According to sources, sophomore Jason Smith is blissfully unaware that his family is planning to use Thanksgiving dinner to intervene on his aggressive social media presence. His family cites his Facebook as the primary cause of the intervention, although his Instagram and Twitter also look to be part of the conversation.

“Although Jason’s usually a good boy, he won’t stop bullying his grandma on Facebook,” commented Smith’s mother. “We can get past him reposting Tasty videos or constantly sending us invitations to like pages, but cyberbullying his own grandma is where we draw the line.” His mother also noted that she wasn’t thrilled about his Instagram account, which almost exclusively consists of images of sepia-filtered cups of coffee and black and white pictures of sunsets.

Upon an examination of Smith’s Facebook, it became apparent that the alleged bullying was him reposting anti-Trump news articles on his timeline. On six separate occasions, his grandma reacted “sad” to such posts, and in one case she commented, “Jason, we can talk about this. Please stop it. -Love, Grandma.”

The family is currently considering expanding the intervention to include Jason’s Aunt Nikki, who is a hoarder. Either way, Smith’s younger sister, Kara, has promised that she intends to make the intervention about herself, and currently plans on pre-gaming the intervention hard enough that she throws up roughly half way through the proceedings.

At press time, Jason’s family has confirmed that the intervention will still include the traditional turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and self-righteousness.