Local bookstore clerk, Veronica Sneebler, went on record last Tuesday claiming that she’s an “avid writer”. However, after a week of intense investigative reporting, we have received contradictory information. According to consistent bookstore visitor and legitimate avid writer, Meredith Wang, Veronica has never actually written. To solve this potentially international dilemma, we set up multiple cameras throughout Veronica’s home and place of work. Indeed, over 10,000 hours of video footage shows that Veronica has never used her hands for anything other than holding her mug close to her face, making her a liar.
Our in-house psychologist, Gary Smith, describes Veronica’s disorder as being “super shy” and that holding her mug makes her feel “more comfortable while meeting new people”. Gary explains that approximately 1 in 3 people are shy, and is in fact an increasing trend in America. Since Gary’s announcement, over 15 writers from our publication have come out as being “shy”. Needless to say, we never suspected a thing and will take active steps to becoming a more accepting work environment.
Now that being shy has become more accepted nationally (8% increase) and potentially legalized within the year, Veronica has worked up the courage to put liquids in her famous white mug. Soon, she will even feel comfortable consuming those aforementioned liquids. As of press time, Veronica was seen thinking about setting up her MacBook Air. When we reached out to Veronica for a snippet of her novel, Veronica mailed us back page 512 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.