Profile of Regina George

Regina George… how do I even begin to describe Regina George?

Regina George is flawless

I heard she does car commercials in Kazakhstan

One time she stole liquor out of her dad’s butler pantry and pawned it for 800 cases of Chef Boyardee.

During gym class, she doesn’t just get picked first. She sits under the bleachers and plays with her toy lizards.

When she walks through the hall, all the boys stare at her, because she’s the only one that stands on two remote controlled cars to get from place to place.

One time, she met John Stamos on a plane, and he asked her if she knew what would happen if everyone in the world jumped at the same time.

I hear her favorite movie is Chef Boyardee, the commercial where the can rolls all the way home.

All the other girls spread rumors about her. Partly because they’re jealous that her hair’s insured for 3 1/4 yen. Partly because there’s a plausible theory that she is Chef Boyardee.