Last weekend, upon accepting a bid to Wash U’s Gamma Upsilon Chapter of the Theta Omega Epsilon International Women’s Fraternity, freshman Ariella Rosenfeld made an alarming discovery: around 150 sisters, which she had not previously known to exist– and they were all hers. Annie, who grew up ostensibly as ...
Read More »SHS Prepping for Housing Casualties
In advance of housing petitions opening, Student Health Services has hired some of the world’s top surgeons to mitigate the school’s annual rooming-inspired mass casualties. “Each year anywhere between fifty and one hundred underclassmen are killed by former suitemates,” claimed SHS director Ira Glass. “Although we can’t stop the coordinated ...
Read More »WILD Decision Looking Rocky but SPB to announce A.S.A.P.
WashU’s social programming board announced Wednesday that their decision for Spring WILD is still under heavy debate. After failing to produce a Fall WILD, SPB feels pressure to deliver a high profile artist for this spring’s concert. We asked SPB representative Jessica Higgins for a quote, to which she replied ...
Read More »Jerry Sandusky Named Top Athletic Director Candidate
Reports recently surfaced that former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky is one of the top choices in Washington University’s search for a new athletic director. The announcement comes in the wake of the departure of Justin X. Carroll, who was indicted on federal child pornography charges in January. In ...
Read More »Sophomore Accepts Internship at Organ Research Institute
It’s that time of the year again. Students across Washington University are frantically trying to secure summer internships to boost their future career prospects. For one students, however, the search is over. This past Friday, sophomore Dennis Westman accepted a summer internship at Organ Research Group, a biomedical firm that ...
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