Student’s Orgo Homework Stolen in Armed Carjacking

Returning to his apartment on the Loop after a late night study session, junior Matt Smith was carjacked at gunpoint last Saturday night. The thief made off with Smith’s 2012 Range Rover, iPhone 6S Plus, wallet, and backpack containing his laptop and binder. The total value of stolen goods is ...

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Last Kid at Karate Still Waiting for Stepdad

Alternately gazing out at the parking lot and admiring his newly-acquired yellow belt, area eight-year-old Kevin O’Brien is the last kid from his Tiger Schulman Karate class waiting to be picked up, according to reports. “Yeah, my stepdad should be on his on his way,” reassured O’Brien. “Dennis is usually ...

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Top 10 Helicopters

10. This one Tiger stripes? Sick.   9. This guy: Shit looks fast as fuck.   8. This freak of nature: Is this still even a helicopter? Couldn’t tell you, but it’s certified dope.   7. This: OH FUCK THIS THING LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING BUG THAT’S METAL AS HELL ...

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