Chancellor Martin Starts an OnlyFans

Desperate times call for desperate measures. As full-time enrollment has dwindled this semester due to the rise of the COVID-19 virus, the University has encountered a large loss of revenue. In an attempt to combat this budget deficit, Chancellor Martin has turned to one of the internet’s fastest growing self-employment ...

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Hope Hicks: 2nd Wave of COVID, 4th Wave Feminist

Hope Hicks, the White House’s communications director, may seem like an unlikely choice for the post-modern feminist hero. Ms. Hicks has always been cast aside as a background player in the mayhem of this presidential administration. But this week, she has clearly proven to all young girls in America that ...

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Opinion: I Have the Right to Not Wear Pants

There seems to be a crisis nowadays—a pandemic, if you will—in which the individual’s responsibility to society is called into question. Whether or not you take certain actions has suddenly become indicative of a person’s character, despite the fact that these actions are in truth quite ridiculous. I am here ...

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