FINAL UPDATE:

It has come time for us to announce the end of the WUnderhouse campaign. We have called Student Union to congratulate them on their victory, and we wish them the best on the remainder of their journey. We want to thank all 800 of you who signed our petition, those who dared to dream that we could make Wash U a better* place through satire and homeownership. This time, however, it was not to be. But someday we shall return. ‪#‎WUndergroundPartyBarge2017‬

NEW: A letter from the editors regarding our campaign: READ HERE

Introduction

WUnderground is applying for $1.4 million in block funding, with which we intend to purchase a house. Seriously. We will throw parties in it, and you can come. Here’s how you can help:

1. SIGN THE PETITION HERE. We need to collect 1,029 signatures from current Wash U students by February 28th. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell wealthy anonymous donors. Tell the Harvard Lampoon we’re coming for them.
2. VOTE. If we get enough signatures, the petition goes up for a vote. We get approved, you get to come to our parties (and fulfill your civic duty).

Proposal

Since its inception in 1892, WUnderground (Wash U’s Premier [Only] Satirical Newspaper) has lightened hearts on this campus with its unique brand of satire. Now, having reached near-legendary status as the greatest satirical publication west of the Mississippi, WUnderground is uniquely positioned to make the next leap. We already have the best writers on campus, the most well-respected publication, and the unwavering support of the finest educational institution in the country.

So how can we continue to better ourselves? We call our idea the WUnderhouse. With your support, we can turn a four-bedroom home into a hub for all humor-based activities at Wash U. A collaborative workspace. A center for social gatherings. That nap room they’ve been promising us in Olin for years. Synergy. Commitment. Virtue. The WUnderhouse would be all of that and more, helping us to cement our status as Wash U’s premier satirical publication for centuries to come.

It’s a moonshot to be sure. But it’s a project we should—nay, must—undertake to make WUnderground the satirical newspaper you deserve. So we ask you, won’t you join us?

The WUnderhouse

A few more thoughts

Top 10 reasons why WUnderground should receive 1.4 million dollars in SU-allocated block funding to purchase a house:

10. On-campus housing is too expensive
9. Our old house was condemned last year
8. Homelessness in St. Louis would decrease by 0.04%
7. Our WUSAs suck
6. We need one house to hold our meat and another to hold our dairy
5. Our dickhead “friends” decided to ditch us and live in the Kappa Sig house next year even though we all fucking decided to live in SoFoHo together
4. So that next year we can apply for a second one as a joke
3. We’ve always wanted to see if we could make Chancellor Wrighton so mad that he literally exploded
2. So we can get a feature in StudLife
1. It would be funny

>>SIGN THE PETITION HERE<<

For questions, comments, hate mail, or media inquiries please contact wunderground@su.wustl.edu