"The Skynet of Bagels"

#Fightfor15 Protestors Actually Just Like Those Automated Ordering Stations at Bread Co

The #Fightfor15 movement picks up steam with each passing day, receiving at least hundreds of retweets and gaining enough traction to even be featured on the front page of StudLife. But what is this push for a 15 dollar minimum wage really about? WUnderground investigators emailed the activist that first coined the hashtag, Benjamin DeLint, to find out more.

“It all started in January when I visited a St. Louis Bread Co. for the first time in years,” DeLint explained, “It was amazing. They have these touchscreen kiosks that you can order and pay at, and then a few minutes later your food is left at the counter ready to go. No human interaction necessary!”

He then admitted that he had a typically debilitating fear of cashiers, and unskilled workers in general.

“My first thought after this revolutionary experience was ‘why aren’t these everywhere?’ but I quickly realized how expensive they must be, and how most chain restaurants probably just find hiring workers to man the cash registers cheaper,” Ben confided. “Then it hit me. If labor is too cheap, why don’t we make it more expensive?” And that’s how #Fightfor15 was born.

The first early supporters were all of like mind with DeLint. One early tweet by @hitlerwasntwrong98 reads “Its the future. How’re we supposed to get robo-maids when the poor r still allowed to do it 4 cheap so they can feed their kids? #fightfor15.”

However, as time went on, the spirit of the original movement got lost to an onslaught of supporters who actually believed they were helping out low-skill workers. For example, Julie Flowers, a junior at WashU and ardent #Fightfor15 retweeter commented about the movement.

“I’ve always thought the best way to help a group that already faces frightfully high unemployment is to make them twice as expensive to employ.” She then added “I may have failed intro to economics, but even I can see how great this would be for everyone involved.”

With the huge spike in popularity the movement has seen, many are wondering what’s next for the #Fightfor15 protestors. Where will all this momentum go after they’re bored of the issue?

According to Flowers, many different ideas have been tossed around internally, including chartering jets to have all the supporters fly around the world to attend multiple global warming conferences, and dumping flyers from blimps to raise awareness about littering.