Dissolving Freshman Friend Group Frets as Secret Santa Exchange Looms Near

As winter break approaches, a dissolving freshman friend group has become increasingly worried about how they should go about the Secret Santa exchange they had planned months prior. 

They had planned it one September afternoon post-apple picking while wearing vests, but as their friendships are fizzling out, the question of whether the exchange will happen remains unknown.

Things began to cool off for the group shortly following Halloween weekend (number two), when the girls had each ordered $186 Juicy tracksuits to dress as the Cheetah Girls for one night. Tensions had been brewing for a couple of weeks, though, as they have slowly realized they have nothing in common except for all living in Lien and a shared affinity for Cauliflower Gnocchi from Trader Joe’s. 

“It turns out a lot of other people here are willing to have conversations about Cauliflower Gnocchi. Like, a lot of other people,” says former group member Lauren Greenspan. 

To add insult to injury, this revelation came shortly after Lauren saw a snap story of her former BFF Eliza dancing with the Koenig-2 girls at Avalanche. This is in the wake of Eliza previously stating that she was “super tired” and “could be down to just watch a movie.”

“It’s honestly fine with me, though. I have my priorities straight and don’t need to go out every night to have fun,” says Lauren, a girl who is so sexually frustrated she’s on the brink of implosion. When asked, Lauren said she spent the rest of the night going through other snap stories on her phone, the majority of which were just people from different schools jumping up and down while Body by Loud Luxury played in the background.

Now, Lauren must grapple with whether or not she should buy Eliza a Secret Santa gift. To play it safe, she is considering gifting her either a Wash U shot glass that she already owns or candy from Paws-n-Go, although Eliza can’t eat most candy because of her allergy to bees. Lauren explained to WUnderground Staff that the two are currently in a weird limbo stage, where they still Snapchat textless pictures of their faces to each other literally every day, but haven’t spoken in person in over a week. 

WUnderground also reached out to other group member Daria Rosenblum for further comment, who was found oblivious to the conflict and told us she got Lauren “a nice dream about her.”