Issue 12.4 – WUnderground

01

Dec

WUnderground Through the Ages

We were too lazy to come up with another new article for this issue, so here’s some of our best work from the last few millennia of WUnderground. June 3rd, 1453 - Study abroad in Constantinople canceled after city sieged “Our big concern is that credits earned under the Ottoman curriculum may…

01

Dec

An Open Letter to Chancellor Wrighton

Dear Chancellor Wrighton, On behalf of everyone here at WUnderground, we would like to apologize. We’ve been harsh to you over the years, unfairly so, and it’s time to right our wrongs. Though WUnderground is Wash U’s premier [only] satirical newspaper, there is a line when it comes to poking fun at…

01

Dec

WUnderground Reviews 12.4

Review of the Best St. Louis Ribs, by a Starving African Child Salt & Smoke: 2 out of 5 “The only advantage of Salt & Smoke it is that it’s only a 20 minute walk from the South 40. The rub was certainly unique—it was overloaded with brown sugar like nothing…

Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals Assures Citizens that Radiation Will Give Everyone Superpowers

01

Dec

Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals Assures Citizens that Radiation Will Give Everyone Superpowers

Responding to concern about fires near its nuclear waste dumps north of St. Louis, Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals assured citizens that the possible release of airborne radiation would actually have positive health effects, like giving everyone superpowers. The fires, which have been burning for nearly five years, have been getting closer and closer to the…

Religious Scholars Debate Controversial New Text

01

Dec

Religious Scholars Debate Controversial New Text

Bringing together scholars of various faiths, religious leaders met at the Vatican last weekend to discuss a recently uncovered and highly controversial new text. The text was received by Umar ibn Qaboos, a Hanifi Islamic scholar from Oman. Sent from a girl named Emily, a companion of Qaboos’, the text simply read, “I…