Faced by what he is calling “the most unfortunate display of options since the NBA Finals,” area bigot Jefferson Hezekiah admits that he is struggling to choose between presidential hopefuls Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. “The decision was so much easier during the last election,” Hezekiah explained. “Sure, it was pretty difficult to…

In response to a series of complaints from parents, college students, and reformed pedophiles, Facebook announced last Thursday that it would be rolling out a new “You’re Being Creepy as Fuck” notification system. The new feature will display a warning message to alert users when the photos they are stalking depict people under…