Tebow, Broncos Rise From the Dead 3 Days Later, Advance to Face Ravens in AFC Championship
Volume 8, Issue 5
Tim Tebow showing the crowd where the Goodyear Blimp is
Three days after being crucified at the hands of Pompous Brady and the mighty Patriots empire, Tim Tebow and the Broncos have risen from the dead, and will play the Ravens next Sunday for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. The development has shocked scholars, scientists, and sportscasters alike, all of whom thought the 45-10 slaughtering would have eliminated them from playoff contention.
The fall of the Broncos began when wide receiver Demaryius Thomas first appeared to have holes in his hands after dropping so many passes and coaches confirmed that stigmata were the only explanation. The offensive line also proved faulty, as Tebow got nailed 5 times by the Patriot's defense.
Tebow's press agent stated that in post-game depression, the Chosen One "crawled under a rock after Saturday's loss" but reports confirm that that rock has since moved.
National attention turned to Tebow back in December after he led his team to six consecutive and unexpected wins. On the seventh game however, Tebow rested and lost to none other than the Patriots. Religious leaders attributed these unlikely wins to Divine Intervention and the team's recent resurrection corroborates that theory.
Many analysts point their fingers to Josh McDaniels, former offensive coordinator for the Broncos, as the root of the team's demise. This year he took a position on the Patriot's coaching staff for an undisclosed amount of silver and many believe he betrayed his former team and revealed crucial information about their strategies to aid the Patriots.
Now that the team has been resurrected from the dead, fans are asking can Jesus lead Tebow to lead the team to another come-from-behind victory and claim the title? Many have their doubts, as not even He can evade a Ray Lewis tackle.
As usual, God was unavailable for comment.