As all of WashU knows, at the end of this semester, we must all say goodbye to one of the most important figures on campus. Although he is often embroiled in controversy, the student body cannot help but feel a collective endearment towards him. As he prepares to retire from his venerated position at our institution and move on to a new chapter in his life, we here at WUnderground would like to take this time to reflect on some of our favorite things about him.
- He doesn’t care about public opinion. Even when most of the student body opposes his plans, he forges ahead. When protests rage around him, he refuses to quit. We may not always agree with him, but we have to admire his mettle.
- He always makes us laugh. Who has birthed more memes than this man? How many fantastically dastardly schemes have emerged from his fertile womb? Who has provided more fodder for comedy? Most importantly, what on earth will WUnderground write about when he leaves?
- He keeps us on our toes. Life sure would be boring without him! Who knows what controversial decision he’s going to make next? Our staff is trained to be ready at all hours of the day to generate new content in response to his latest whims.
- He does stupid shit. If there’s one thing for which we can always count on our dear leader, it’s a mountain of stupid shit. I mean, requesting a boat from SU? Who else could come up with this nonsense?
We will miss you dearly, Carter Lord Paterson. Thank you for being our fearless leader through the stormy seas of college life as we navigated momentous occasions like the Great StudLife Op-Ed War of 2019, the advent of Cards Against the Humanities, and the Peacock Diner Lock-In with a complete lack of social grace. Though you may be despised by most of the administration, StudLife, the leaders of many student groups, Ted Cruz (we assume), and a large group of Alpha Phis, WUnderground will always have a special place for you in the hole where our heart should be. We would not be where we are today without your steady hand, insane ideas, or grammatical stylings. Thank you for everything you’ve done for WUnderground and for us <3
Your Loyal Servants, The WUnderground Staff